I had lots of trauma and stories that I didn’t realize were driving a lot my thoughts, words, and behavior patterns. You’re already taking the first step which is a desire to change. I won’t lie this isn’t a journey that will be easy because you have to face yourself get real and transparent. There’s a mask you’re wearing that you’re possibly not aware of. It starts with taking that mask off and being able to look in the mirror and accept who you see for exactly who you are exactly where you’re at.
That acceptance is the first step in love. You have to let go anything you’re shaming yourself for and begin to experience forgiveness inside of yourself. You need to release the past and release the future emotionally. These are prisons you create in your own mind. There is only now. Stories about your past, not what happened but what it means, will become a frame that defines you. If you want to break out of that you have to break those frames and beliefs. Release what’s not for you. You get to choose! It’s hard at first because it feels like you didn’t choose many of the things that happened but you did choose how to respond to it you just didn’t do it consciously. Once you realize you can ditch your stories and create new ones… well that’s where the magic happens.
The future is filled with expectations. These are also a prison. They put happiness, peace, joy etc into a place you cannot access until you (fill in the blank). “If I can just…then I will…” this is illusion. This is story. Many people chase goals and achievements driven by what they believe those outcomes will make them feel. I’ll feel worthy when… confident when… ready when… it’s not real. And when you do actually get these outcomes… ooof. There’s nothing worse than climbing a mountain only to find that you wasted all that time and energy to feel exactly the same. This is what usually causes people to stop and hit rock bottom. Because they now experience the lack of fulfillment, resolution, transformation or whatever delusion they tied to the outcome and now everyone falls apart.
Instead you have to look at what you’re chasing. Ask why you want that? What will that make you feel? How would you be different? What’s “out there” that you’re missing? Make a list. Then skip to the end. Give yourself what you need. How can I experience [emotion] now? What can I do that’s small to start feeling this now. Once you realize the power you have and you can bring that power to present you will change your entire world and the world will change to meet you when you stop needing it to. It’s fucking wild.
After that it’s just a commitment to building a relationship with you. The easiest frame I used was to date myself. I was in a space where I really hated being alone and I wanted a partner. I know I’m meant for that but I know I could not force that. So I had all this energy and no one to give it to. So I gave it to me. Start dating yourself. Take yourself out. Do things with you that you like. Explore. Play. Discover who you are. What you’re about. You’re with you for the rest of your life!! You are the ONLY true thing you have in this life. The rest is just a part of your journey and experience. Nothing else but change is constant.
As you build your relationship and start to connect with your needs and your value it will become easy to invest your own self care because YOU ACTUALLY LIKE YOURSELF. You will find it easier to maintain boundaries because you respect yourself. People will be attracted to you because you love yourself. People will believe in you because you believe in yourself. The world is just a giant complex mirror reflecting back to you what your beliefs and stories.
Then as you deepen that relationship with you, you’ll discover your real values and your purpose. You discover what’s constant about you. The things that never change regardless of circumstance. This is a glimpse of your true self. When you can start connecting with this person which can only be done through having that relationship with yourself, you will start to see who you can become. Not what you can achieve. Not do. BE. Then you practice becoming that person.
What would your true self say? How would they respond? What decision would they make? You sorta channel them until you become them. Then they take care of the rest. They will achieve for you but from a place peace not lack and you mind find yourself chasing different things than before. They will protect you. They will love and care for you. But it’s not they it’s you! A version of you thats capable of things you previously wouldn’t believe is possible. But it starts inside.
As you walk this path you will start to connect with your experience and since you now feel good things about yourself you will naturally want to take care of yourself in same ways far better than you would have just acting because you now know you’re self so intimately it’s impossible to ignore your needs.
I’m 38. I feel like I’ve lived a dozen lives tried so many different things with intensity but none of it stuck until I went down this path and this was the first time I felt like I was actually living MY life. This is the game. It’s not what your parents say or do or didn’t say or do. These are real events and experiences, but these are examples of stories that if you do not release them will create mental prisons, keep you stuck, and slowly kill you inside. You are your not stories. You are not even the main character. You’re the author. ✍️ time to zoom out and pick up the pen.
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. You get to choose how you frame your experience. It takes practice but once you do it, it’s like having a super power. No one can hurt you. Betray you. Stop you. I mean they can. But it doesn’t shake your core. You can easily release these things and move on to create and experience whatever else is meant for you. And this is the cycle. Create experience feel release repeat. This is the wheel that will move your life forward.
My wish for you is that you don’t have to spend as long as I did striving and struggling and isolating and abusing yourself for so long because you are already worthy and you don’t deserve to be treated this way by yourself or anyone else 🫶
